Puns for Educated Minds


1)    The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was – Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2)    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, — but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3)    She was only a whiskey maker, — but he loved her still.

4)    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class – because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5)    The butcher backed into the meat grinder – and got a little behind in his work.

6)    No matter how much you push the envelope, — it’ll still be stationery.

7)    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road – and was cited for littering.

8)    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France – would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

9)    Two silk worms had a race. – They ended up in a tie.

10) Time flies like an arrow. – Fruit flies like a banana.

11) A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. – The police are looking into it.

12) Atheism – is a non-prophet organization.

13) Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. – One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

14) I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. – Then, it hit me.

15) A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, — ‘Keep off the Grass.”

16) A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. – His grandmother phoned to ask how he was and a nurse said, “No change yet.”

17) A chicken crossing the road – is poultry in motion.

18) The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison – was a small medium at large.

19) The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray – is now a seasoned veteran.

20) A backward poet – writes inverse.

21) In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. – In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

22) When cannibals ate a missionary, — they got a taste of religion.

23) Don’t join dangerous cults. – Practice safe sects!

Hope the above puns have added to a punny (not puny) day of delight. Share them and keep the smiles, chuckles, snorts and groans going… April is the official National Humor Month but we know humor is IN all year long, agree?

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