Pithy One-Liners


1)    Happiness is a way station between too much and too little.

2)    Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

3)    We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

4)    Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

5)    Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!

6)    I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I see now that I should‘ve been more specific.

7)    Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.

8)    Life is a grindstone. But whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.

9)    You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.

10) When I was born I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

11) The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

12) Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

13) Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

14) The way to be wise is not to be otherwise.

15) I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.”

16) If you wait, all that happens is you get older.

17) The sign of wisdom is a continual cheerfulness.

18) If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.

19) You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

20) Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.

21) Like a postage stamp, sticking to it gets you there.

22) I filled out an application that said, “In Case of Emergency Notify”. I wrote “Doctor.” What’s my mother going to do?

23) Aim for the moon; even if you miss you’ll be among stars.

24) The optimist laughs to forget; the pessimist forgets to laugh.

25) I was reading a book called The History of Glue – I couldn’t put it down.




26) I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not quite sure.

27) The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.

28) If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.

29) I’m not going to procrastinate any more…starting tomorrow.

30) A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures.

31) Humor is the sunshine of the mind.

32) I’m thankful for laughter except when milk comes out of my nose.

33) I was going to have my teeth whitened, but I got a tan instead.

34) Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.

35) I’m not  a terrible golfer, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

36) The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

37) Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

38) Spel chekers, hoo needs em?

39) Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

40) Too much taste makes waist.

41) Smile. It increases your face value.

42) Enjoy when you can and endure when you must.

43) To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.

44) A well developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

45) There are countless ways to live in this world in mirth and good health.

46) Fettuccini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

47) We didn’t all comes over on the same ship, but we’re all in the same boat.

48) Happiness is not measured in miles but in smiles.

49) Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

50) You have to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.

51) A diet is not about willpower; it’s about won’t power.

52) Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.




1 thought on “Pithy One-Liners

  1. I just love how you play on words. Your one liners may be the only laugh, or smile, one gets in one day…..but it may be enough, as they ponder on them, to get them through “one day.”
    I Thank God for You,
    my love,

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